Video: Suicide Note (REMASTERED)

[charmax]

Video Title: Suicide Note
Song Title/Artist: Suicide Note - Johnette Napolitano
Show: Angel
Summary: A reflective look at Illyria and Wesley's growing relationship and how it has come to mean more than expected.
Length/Format: 5.19, (WMV, Xvid)
Notes: When I originally made this the show had not long finished airing and so the only footage I had to work with had a huge WB logo and was not great quality. I always promised myself that I would remake it when I bought the DVDs and now eventually I have. Aside from the obvious improvement in picture quality I have made some clip changes to hopefully make things flow a bit better. I have also changed the transitions to get rid of the rather unsatisfactory white-outs and replaced them with something not as heavy handed. I have played with the colours this time too. I went for a muted blue/grey tone that hopefully reflects the mood of the video (and I was maybe just a smidge influenced by Supernatural).

Download Xvid (720x416 - 40MB)
Download WMV (480x272 - 19.9MB)
stream at imeem

Feedback is great.

Comments

[martoufmarty.livejournal.com]

Awww... I have tears in my eyes now :(

I loved the original so much, and wow, this was even better.

... I'm going to go cry now...

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Steph. Tears are the best compliment in this case. I'm glad you think it is an improvement on the original.

[bunnythenavia.livejournal.com]

I love this video so much. Excellent. Excellent. How you captured Wesley and how you passed it in the video...
I love it.

z

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Cheers, Zohar I'm glad you liked it so much.

[zeronephilim.livejournal.com]

Beautiful vid Charmax :)
I love how subdued the whole thing is with the music and the colouring. It just has this great low-tone feel.

The song is perfect for Wes and you did and excellent job with the lyrics. The clips were paced just right with the music to make everything seem really slowed down and more important.

I think this is my fav Wesley vid :)

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks Adam. I'm glad you liked it.

The song just screamed Wes and Illyria when I first heard it. I am quite pleased with how it turned out (this time) and I think the colouring works well for the vid.

[obsessive24.livejournal.com]

YES! A vid from you whose fandom I actually know! Sorry for being AWOL from most of your recent vids - I get so self-conscious when I'm only commenting on the mechanics of a vid and blithely flutter over the thematic stuff. But I digress. I haven't seen the original, so I can't compare, but enough prefacing and onto the feedback.

God, if given this song I can't even conceive how to begin. The rhythm is so intense, but the mood is slow, and finding a balance between the two must be hard, but you did it perfectly by having all these movements on the beat to mark out the rhythm section, while never losing the flow of of the overall, sombre narrative. The movement at 0:57 is superb, as is the ensuing fall-into-arms at 0:58. I really liked his little twitch on 2:40; there are so many moments of internal motion but that one, for no apparent reason, just made me smile in appreciation.

The vibrato at 1:08!!! The way Angel flies away at 2:04! I'm just in awe of how you've moved beyond timing dramatic actions on drumbeats (although that's done superbly throughout as well) to timing much more subtle actions to the cadence of the vocals. 3:20 was also a cool moment for me, the way she *walked* to the sound of the music. So subtle and beautiful. And hey - is that little flare on the Window thingy intentional at 0:44? Goodness!

Love the voiceovers to mark narrative development. 2:28 - the connection between the eyes nearly made me cry. 2:38 - "falling to your knees" is such an internal thing, demonstrated only by the weary closing of his eyes, but there's such anguish behind that placid exterior. Loved that. Especially in conjunction with her opening the door again in the next scenes as he literally falls this time.

Really liked the overlay of the contract starting at 3:01, how it never comes into full opacity and how you never cut away from W's expression. Beautiful push-in there, too.

The reversing of clip toward the endgame there is so important. Illyria turning into Fred - shame they didn't have a morph in that scene in Not Fade Away! Vidders really need that. :D

W's development over the seasons has always been very chilling to me, so this was a perfect way to begin what is otherwise a very season 5-centric vid. It's also genius to have it from Illyria's POV. She watches, she doesn't understand, she watches and doesn't understand, and then suddenly she gets it, and that's beautifully portrayed. Overall I think in large part the tremendous success of the narrative depended on it not being W first-person. You're one level removed from the personal tragedy, but it actually makes the angst and terror all the most profound because we're watching with a sense of total inevitability.

Beautifully done! Brava! *claps*

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks for leaving such detailed feedback Nicky and don't feel obliged to comment on vids where you don't know the source. I always find that really difficult too I always feel that I am missing something vital in terms of context.

The rhythm vs sombre mood was the big challenge with this vid. In the original I opted to largely ignore the "heartbeat" sound and just cut to lyric. Since then I have learnt more about motion and I thought I was at the point where I could visually acknowledge the beat without breaking the mood.

Ah, you found me out! Yep, the Orlon Window has been retouched to make it stand out a bit more. I didn't think anyone would notice, I thought it was subtle enough to pass under the radar. It's not a bad thing that you noticed though, just shows how observant you are. *g*

This is the only vid I've ever done where I used voiceovers to help with the narrative. I know there are plenty of people who think it is a vidding "no-no" but sometimes I think a vid can really call for it. In this case it was to help carry the narrative and I liked the contrast between Wes talking about Fred's death and the visuals of happier times. I think it makes the impact of "She's gone" stronger.

The "falling to your knees" part is one of the bits I reworked. This time I went for comparing those two instance both of which are him falling as Illyria enters the room but as you say one of them is expressed entirely by a small facial expression.

Vidders definitely need to have Illyria morphing to Fred. Quite a lot of the final ep seems to happen off screen which might have been great for the WB's budget but is totally useless for vidding purposes.

I liked the idea of seeing Wes through Illyria's eyes. The song is quite matter of fact and that is just like Illyria.

Thanks again, you are so much better than me at this feedback lark!

[przed.livejournal.com]

This is quite possibly the most beautiful vid I've ever seen. You've managed to so perfectly capture the dynamic between Wes and Illyria that it's almost physically painful to watch. In a good way.

And wow, I feel like I should just hang up my vidding spurs now.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

For you to say "quite possibly the most beautiful vid" makes me very happy indeed! *g*

There is no way you can quit cus you will make a lot of people very sad, me included. So there!

[thedothatgirl.livejournal.com]

Well quite frankly 8.45 is too early to be sobbing my eyes out at Wesley's tragedy, but there, that didn't stop me.(All in a good way you understand).

Nothing jarred in the original for me (which also made me cry) but the subtlety of the remastered version is exquisite. I loved the new intro (I went and watched the first version on my hard drive afterwards) and the desaturation/colour to the whole vid - to me I felt it symbolised how the vibrancy has disappeared from Wes's life since Fred's death - my intepretation only, of course.

All those small internal movements to the vocals and lyrics, and there is sound on the track as he takes the knife to Gunn - ooh. Beautiful use of audio clips too, you can feel that pain in the 'she's gone'.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Hi Andrea, thanks for commenting. I'm glad it made you cry.*g*

You are right about the desaturation. That is why the only parts of the video that are in full colour are the clips of Fred and Wes. When his world was not so bleak.

I wondered about that sound on the audio, it only appears once and seemed a bit odd. I decided to make a feature of it rather than ignore it.

I was going to email you but I might as well tell you now Scamp's picture has just arrived and I am beyond happy!!

[maric23.livejournal.com]

Here by way of a rec. of yhlee.

That vid... blew me away? The match to the song was an excellent choice. Lyrics match, but also the music and tone of the singer fits Wes perfectly, as does the clip choice/timing. I usually tend not to like such, but the voice overs worked beautifully, especially that first opening quote. Painfully and beautifully sums up the final chapter of Wes' psyche. Loved it.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the feedback and thanks to yhlee for the rec!

I've never really used voiceovers before. I like them for this vid but I can't imagine that I would do them very often because like you I sometimes find them distracting.

[messyjessie58.livejournal.com]

i had no idea you vidded this song before! i feel all silly now cause i just spent the last 2 nights vidding it haha wesley from freds pov haha man do i suck :P oh well, thats life lol

*dloads*

oh wow, that was so brilliant though :) i feel like you read my mind, you did the whole idea so much justice, really really good :)

[charmax.livejournal.com]

I vidded it about two years ago. It's been offline for a few weeks while I've been remastering it.

I've scrapped a couple of vid ideas lately because the songs have been done just as I'm about to get going on it. I think it is getting harder and harder to find original songs. At least I try. haha

[benmars.livejournal.com]

That's a beautiful video Charmax.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Beautiful is good Ben. Thanks!

[ryty.livejournal.com]

Fantastic.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Cheers.

[haltlos.livejournal.com]

Fantastic, wonderful and heartbreaking! *loves*

I love this song so much and your editing is perfect - for example as she sings "raise your glass to last stand" and Wesleys just nods at Angel so slighty!
Great job!

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks Jules,

I love this song too. It is so powerful and just right for Wes.

[kate-simpleruse.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful Charmax. I adored the first version and the second was even better. I also loved the color effects you added it really added that much more to the video.

Great job :)

(This is Katie by the way. I thought maybe the best way to get back in to LJ was to have an LJ since I keep forgetting the password of the other.)

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Hi Katie.

I'm glad you liked the reworked vid. I had been wanting to remaster it for a while but kept finding other things to do.

I'm glad you are back on lj. Hopefully it will be easier for us to keep in touch now.

[stabbim.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the delay.

I liked the idea of seeing Wes through Illyria's eyes. The song is quite matter of fact and that is just like Illyria.

That's what I love about it, too. There are lots of Wes centric vids out there, but this one works so well because it isn't told from his point of view. You still feel for him, and if you haven't quite gotten him before, this is your chance.

I've adored the old version, but this one is more sutble. Love that the lyrics fit even better than before. Well done!

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting.

I'm glad you thought I had improved on the original.

[sarren.livejournal.com]

I love this SO MUCH!!!

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Cheers! :D

[colour-me-sassy.livejournal.com]

Wow. Christ that was depressing but not in a bad way in a sad but beautifully done way. If that makes sense. I love the original but you've certainly taken it to the next level. You've really captured the essence of what Wesley went through. Wonderful :)

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Yes it's not a vid to be watched if you are already feeling quite low... Poor Wes! My next vid will not be angsty!

I'm glad you think the remastering was worth my trouble. Overall I am so much happier with this version.

Thanks for the feedback hun.

[dualbunny.livejournal.com]

Oh Wes...

I can't get over how *mythic* you made both of them feel. It's like the song and the events when seen through Illyria lend some of her own otherwordlyness to Wes as well. And even then it's not enough to save someone who's so very doomed.

This is a gorgeous vid. Every bit of color work you did blends in completely, but it makes those moments of gold pop so wonderfully. The way this song moves--so relentlessly, so coldly on some levels--it makes me ache for Wes the same way. Relentlessly. Especially with how you emphasize that sense sense of doom in the song.

It just--it makes me hurt and it makes me sympathize so much with Illyria and wish so hard that it could have been different for Wes.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Poor doomed Wes. The song just suits this relationship so well and it was nice to show a slightly different side to Illyria, a bit more lost and uncertain a bit less kickass.

[ameranth.livejournal.com]

Hi, I was linked here from lidi's LJ with the note that I should watch this vid because it was the best Angel one yet made. So, I came, expecting a mediocre video that would amuse me and pass the time.

However, I was surprised with an incredibly touching and beautifuly orchastrated video. The last scene is just so touching, and it wraps up the video so perfectly, I was almost brought to tears. It's an incredibly sad relationship (Wes and Fred, and Wes and Illyria) and you managed to capture the essence of it on film. Poor Wesley. :(

Anyhow, kudos to you! Next though you have to make a happy vid, 'cause now I'm all depressed. J/k...sort of.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting. It's nice to know the vid exceeded your expectations.

I'm glad you felt it captured their relationship well.

You are absolutely right I should definitely make something more lighthearted soon.

[stargazer784.livejournal.com]

That was AMAZING. I absolutly loved it. The Wesley/Fred story totally tore me up, even though I knew who it was going to end. And Illyria......I felt like poor Wesley, reminded of Fred whenever he looked. Such a perfect love, and such a great video. Excellent!

[charmax.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it moved you, that was my intention with the video. Wes's final arc broke my heart and this vid sums up how I felt about it.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

[drankmywar.livejournal.com]

Downloading, thank you :D

[charmax.livejournal.com]

I hope you like the vid. :)

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[limerickgirl.livejournal.com]

I came here by way of lidi and I'm ever so glad I did. To say I was moved would be putting it lightly. I was swept away... and I still have the ache in my throat and gut to prove it. By the end the tears were falling unchecked, and I couldn't help but watch it again, cry more. I absolutely adore Wesley, and his story, for all it's trials and turns. Thanks so much for sharing your masterful work. :) Brilliant!

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for your feedback.

Being moved to tears is such a great compliment to give. If the vid is making people cry then I've accomplished what I wanted to do with this video. Wes is such a great character and so pretty to vid.

[eviljr.livejournal.com]

Found my way over here. That, in a word, is beautiful. Thank you for making it. I shall be pimping it in my LJ.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

*g*

Thank you for commenting and thanks for the rec!

[lidi.livejournal.com]

Better late than never, so here I am :)
first of all - it's one of the most powerful, emotional and moving vidoes that I've ever seen. And not in an annoying, one-time way. No, I can watch it over and over again. And then take a pause, rewatch it in a week and still that that powerful surge of emotions, that this video evoked the very first time.

I have several favourite bits. I couldn't pick them up at first - since that video is really whole, integral - but after making those infamouse icons I finally picked up on small details.

For example, I really love when Illiria touches her tomb (and we saw Wesley's previous fascination with it). So I see almost erotic subtext in that bit. Brilliant.

Then I love how he's falling on his knees - when wounds of love are much more damaging that wounds of weapons. It also collaborates greatly with lyrics - stoiclast stand of dying man.

Another excellent moment is when Illiria turns into Fred. We've never seen it onscreen before. I think it was Weadon's decision - not to make Illiria any more human. But with that transition, when we see what Wesley saw in his last moments - aww, it breaks my heart.

And farewell with Agnel - of course Wesley knew that he'll die. So their goodbye looks even more tragic than before.
Also the way we see Wesley discovering papers conserning his erased memories - somehow you get the feeling that he's doomed. The single fact that he's ready to learn the truth by any price (and here goes phrase about pulling the pin on that grenade) tells us that he'll indeed pay the most tragic, full price for that. He doesn't value his own life that much anymore, and he's walking on a thin ice.

And, of course, the hearbreaking loophole of death - endless dying in hands of each other. First - Fred on Wesley's hands, and then Wesley's on Fred's. It's even more twisted and tragic than any Romeo and Juliet variation. Somehow they'll die, and die, and die in the end. (and when I put video on repeat it became and endless loophole of tragedy).


Also I have to metniton flawless editing. All character's movements interlace smoothly. For example, take a bit fro 3:12 to 3:29. Amazing!

Actually I usually prefer not to devide video to small good and interesting bits. The wonder of video is in it's wholeness. And it's like deconstructing your favourite you - you may never get it back if you go too far in breaking it up to small pieces. So I'll just stop here.

Oh, and I absolutely have to praise faded colours of this video. It's creates perfect mood from the beginning. Like powerful energy had been slowed and it can't take it anymore. And it's turning to ashes. And we all look at its dawnfall with awe (very much like in case with Illiria).

Thank you very much for this amazing creation. It's really perfect.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the feedback. It's good to know that you view it as a whole because really that is the best thing that could be said about any video.

The moments you picked out are some of my favourite parts too. I do like the idea that there is a hint eroticism to the vid amongst all that tragedy.

Oh and I like the description of the faded colours, I wish I had said something that poetic in my notes. :D

Thanks again for taking the trouble to leave a comment.

[lidi.livejournal.com]

oh, and sorry for writing Illyria's name wrong. I spent so much energy on writing that last comment, that I forgot to check such simple things.
stupid, stupid foreign me ;)

[charmax.livejournal.com]

Heh you should see my spelling sometimes... I wouldn't worry about it. ;)

[shacky20.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to let you know how much I loved this video, I love the dark Wesley video's. I make video's for CSI,and I know the time and effort it takes to make a video, especially one of this quality, it's just fabulous. Great job.

[charmax.livejournal.com]

You can't escape the angst of seaon 5 Wes he is on an inevitable downward spiral. Personally I prefer the earlier, happier Wes but his darker side is so compelling.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.